“The Perception of Presence”
I lived a really busy lifestyle, it was go, go, go, go, go... I didn't know how to turn it off!!! It came to the point where I became my kids soccer and basketball coaches because I would have let my “busyness” keep me from going to practices, scrimmages and games. Little did I know that Eli was asking Glory, “Why doesn't Daddy just quit his job because he's never around!” From my perspective I was around, I mean, “I help coach all your sports!!! I could be still on the clock but I work my butt off to 'shift the clock' and that's why I’m not around at times.”
As a dad you may have a really busy work life and make many sacrifices just to “try” to be present but because of our “guy-ness” we act like it's no big deal but on the inside we are STRETCHED!!!
There's a saying that says, “The best present, is presence.” With all my running around and trying to be the best pastor, dad, coach, husband, community member, etc… I think the main problem was that I just needed to be present.
It wasn't until we went away last summer on vacation that I got it. I left my phone back at the place we were staying and my kids were saying “let's go here” and “let's play over there” and I was saying “yes” to all of it. My kids don't want Coach Tyree they want Daddy. I got my presents (the things I did), mixed up with my presence (the time I spent).
I don't know about you but I believe we have this inherent nature (the Bible calls it sin). This nature attempts to cause me to be prideful, to do things that please me and be slow to listen and quick to speak. Through Christ, God has to harness me and pull my reins back so I can see through a different lens.
I ain't gonna lie… I will still help coach but with God's help they will get more DADDY and less coach!
Stay encouraged dad’s! #HappyFathersDay #Dad #life https://www.instagram.com/p/BVffBT2DXYf/
On Saturday, February 27, 2016 I went to a water park with my wife and kids. While they were having a blast I was sitting in a chair on my phone racking my brain over my seemingly never ending ministry to do list. I wasn’t complaining, in fact it became a lifestyle of who I was. I thought that if I didn’t have an active calendar I wasn’t doing ministry correctly.
The next day we received an invitation for my son to join an AAU boys travel basketball league. I was happy but it added another level of stress on me. You see for all effort I was putting into the “grind” of the neverending to do list it balance out financially I didn’t have the ability to pay for his fee. This was tipping point and an eye opening reality for me!!!
The next morning my wife mans up and says, “You need help… Find help… I’ll cover for you… but you need help.” Once again she was right. If I were to sit across the desk from a husband and he were to tell me this exact same scenario I would tell him, “Listen to your wife, stop what you’re doing and get help.
I love the quote that says “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” but now it was my turn to live it out. This began the journey of starting a temporary sabbatical for ministry, finding mentors who could help me with find a balance with my God time, family life, my calling, employment and life itself.
To be continued…
Feedback: How do you step away from the busyness of life?
I’m not exactly sure when this began but I have had this extreme hesitancy to talk in public about the things I do behind the scenes or on front of a stage. As a youth pastor I didn't even promote to my students the music I made or opportunities that I've had.
Have you ever seen people who seem to crave the limelight? Yeah, me too! I think the biggest reason I have had this “extreme hesitancy” is for fear of being seen like that.
I’ve talked to many people that I look up to about this situation and they’ve basically said the same thing, “Tyree you have gifts, talents and abilities that people need to be a part of. Don’t rob them of that experience.” I heard them but as I walked away each time I honestly felt like, “What? Me? If people knew my insecurities and doubts about myself they’d never have confidence in me.” I believe this was the major reason that “I was afraid to LOOK successful.”
I recently went to a church service and this was the outcome of what I wrote by faith: “I was afraid to look successful but now I am successful in Him.” When I see this quote I think three things:
1) "I was afraid”: speaking by faith even though I’m hesitant, afraid, ______ (fill in the blank), I can’t allow that stop me from moving forward.
2) “to look successful”: it’s not a selfish or arrogant success but a “success” that puts me in a position to do good for the group of people that I’ve been called to help. STUDENTS!
3) “but now I am successful in Him”: if I continue to stay in Christ, I believe He will help keep my heart right as “successful opportunities” come my way.
I think we all have a “hesitancy” and need to evaluate why it’s there. Being a person of faith I believe it’s best to filter decisions through the lense of Christ. And because of this I can say with 0% confidence in myself that “I was afraid to look successful but now I am successful in Him.”