I’m not exactly sure when this began but I have had this extreme hesitancy to talk in public about the things I do behind the scenes or on front of a stage. As a youth pastor I didn't even promote to my students the music I made or opportunities that I've had.
Have you ever seen people who seem to crave the limelight? Yeah, me too! I think the biggest reason I have had this “extreme hesitancy” is for fear of being seen like that.
I’ve talked to many people that I look up to about this situation and they’ve basically said the same thing, “Tyree you have gifts, talents and abilities that people need to be a part of. Don’t rob them of that experience.” I heard them but as I walked away each time I honestly felt like, “What? Me? If people knew my insecurities and doubts about myself they’d never have confidence in me.” I believe this was the major reason that “I was afraid to LOOK successful.”
I recently went to a church service and this was the outcome of what I wrote by faith: “I was afraid to look successful but now I am successful in Him.” When I see this quote I think three things:
1) "I was afraid”: speaking by faith even though I’m hesitant, afraid, ______ (fill in the blank), I can’t allow that stop me from moving forward.
2) “to look successful”: it’s not a selfish or arrogant success but a “success” that puts me in a position to do good for the group of people that I’ve been called to help. STUDENTS!
3) “but now I am successful in Him”: if I continue to stay in Christ, I believe He will help keep my heart right as “successful opportunities” come my way.
I think we all have a “hesitancy” and need to evaluate why it’s there. Being a person of faith I believe it’s best to filter decisions through the lense of Christ. And because of this I can say with 0% confidence in myself that “I was afraid to look successful but now I am successful in Him.”